Anger is a normal emotion, but sometimes children can struggle to express their anger peacefully and they may resort to aggression.
Aggressive behaviour can include physical assault, throwing objects, property damage, self-harming behaviours or verbal threats and insults.
How you respond to your child when they are angry is important - getting angry yourself will only make the situation worse.
A child who is often angry and challenging is likely to be unhappy about something and they will need your support.
Aggression doesn't always have to mean outward violence, it can include hurting themselves, such as by self-harming. They might also be passively aggressive, by ignoring people, becoming withdrawn or being sarcastic and sulking.
They might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school or in another part of their life and this makes them angry, which can lead to being distressed.
You can try to support your child by encouraging them to put their feelings into words, rather than expressing them through harmful behaviour.
If your child is angry or irritable for a long period of time without changing, they might be experiencing anxiety, low mood or depression. Try to talk to them in a calm, patient manner to find out what is bothering them, so that you can start to offer them support and help.
If your child is distressed and showing harmful behaviour, it can be very difficult to get through to them while they are so angry. It's very important to try and make them calm and to stay calm yourself - becoming frustrated and shouting will only make the situation worse.
Let them know that being angry is normal and that you would like to talk to them about it and try to help. Ask them if there's something they need - this can be more helpful than simply telling them to stop.
They might need some time and space on their own to calm down before you can talk to them, so give them that opportunity if they are safe and not in danger of harming themselves.
When they are feeling more calm, you will need to explain why their behaviour is not okay and while it's normal to feel angry, it should never escalate into being aggressive. It's important to set boundaries and for them to understand that there are consequences if they do not stick to those rules.
When we experience a stressful event or stress over a period of time, it can affect our nervous system which can cause intense emotional outbursts and behaviours. When young people feel dysregulated it can be difficult for them to think clearly, or express how they feel.
The best course of action is to try to calm your child or young person down which can be supported by a few techniques. These include:
Make a plan so that you can keep yourself and others safe if your child becomes violent. Think about the measures you can take to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt - this could include putting any dangerous objects out of reach.
You should also think about how to stay safe when you are physically close to your child. It's always best to avoid physical contact while they are being violent, to reduce the risk of either of you getting hurt. It might be best to step away until they have calmed down, unless you need to stay with them for their own safety or the safety of others.
It's also sensible to think about a safe place you could go to if you need to.
If your child is expressing their anger through harmful behaviour, it's a good idea to get some professional help. It could be that the challenging behaviour is a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty.
You could start by speaking to your GP and you should also speak to your child's school to see what help they can offer. Your GP can refer them for counselling, or other mental health support.
If you are concerned that you are unable to help your child control their anger, you could speak to their school or setting. Many children get angry and sometimes their anger can last a long time. Schools and settings will have supported lots of parents to help them understand the same issues.
If anger becomes regular and uncontrollable you may need to seek further help and support. You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
You can also contact your GP, who can help you access support.
If you are 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of our team.
For 10 to 18-year-olds, Kooth is a free, confidential and safe way to receive online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support.
Childline - Children and young people under 19 can call 0800 1111 for free support.
Young Minds Parents Helpline - Call 0808 802 5544 for free Mon-Fri from 9.30am to 4pm.
To speak to other Norfolk parents and carers, you can join our online community forum below.
