Learning how to identify and express feelings in a positive way helps children learn to manage emotions as they grow older. Children and young people experience difficult feelings just like adults, however, younger children might not have the words or confidence to talk about them.
Children will pick up on expressions, body language and other people's behaviour. As a parent or carer, you have an important role in modelling how to express and manage big feelings. Children who learn positive attitudes towards their feelings in childhood will go on to form better behaviours and relationships in later life.
Children and young people feel intense emotions just like adults, it's a normal part of childhood development and can sometimes be acted out in ways that seem problematic, physical or inappropriate.
Your child may hit or throw toys when they are angry or frustrated, or have a hard time settling down after an exciting day. They may feel frightened, shake or cry, and each of these feelings is valid and a normal part of learning to manage their feelings.
If these big feelings start to impact your child's time at nursery or school, their everyday activities or if they have excess anxiety, then it may be time to seek extra support by speaking to your GP.
During childhood and adolescence, there will be periods where your child's body and brain change at different rates. In younger children, they have less ability to be able to talk about their feelings, which can cause frustration and acting out. It's important to look for cues and try to tune in to your child's feelings by watching their expressions & body language and listening to what they are saying. Learning their cues will mean you can help them to identify feelings and express themselves.
The Teenage Brain changes the most from puberty up until their mid-20s. The pace is different for everyone, but one thing all teenagers will have in common is that their moods will become more changeable. It's a normal part of growing up, but it's not always an easy time for parents to be able to know what support to offer. Understanding the changes that happen to the teenage brain can offer some insight into how they feel and some of their difficult behaviour.
The teenage brain explained
Behind every behaviour is an emotion, and being able to name those feelings can help your child communicate what they need from you in support. Even very young children feel a range of emotions from anxiety when they are separated from a caregiver to grief when they experience a bereavement (death in the family).
Being equipped with the words or a way of expressing themselves through drawing can help children to understand and process their feelings.
Observing and naming feelings in other people is a great way for children to learn how to recognise other people's feelings through facial expressions and their body language. You could:
Children learn about emotions and how to express their feelings through watching other people. As their parent or carer, your actions make up part of their learning. Talk to your child about how you feel in different situations and model the appropriate behaviour yourself.
You could try some mindfulness activities with your child to model how to self-soothe when they are feeling particularly emotional or may be dealing with difficult feelings.
Giving your children and young people praise, including talking positively when they express themselves in a positive and appropriate way will help them to learn. It shows their feelings are normal and reinforces their ways of dealing with it, making it more likely they will repeat it. It also helps to build their self-confidence and self-esteem as they grow up.
It's difficult to let your children sit with difficult feelings, but resisting the urge to make the feelings go away can help them to be more resilient in future. Helping your child to name their feelings and to express them appropriately by listening to them, means that they will be likely to talk to you about how they feel as they grow up, which sets up healthy habits for their teenage years.
Tips for listening to children
Remember all children are different but if you are worried speak to your child's school or setting, they will be happy to talk to you about how best to support your child.
You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
For 10 to 18-year-olds, Kooth is a free, confidential and safe way to receive online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support.
Childline - Children and young people under 19 can call 0800 1111 for free support.
Young Minds Parents Helpline - Call 0808 802 5544 for free Mon-Fri from 9.30am to 4pm.
To speak to other Norfolk parents and carers, you can join our online community forum below.
