Breaking Down the Myths

While awareness of neurodivergence is improving, there is still plenty of confusion about what causes it and how it affects people.

These are some common mistakes that people make when they think about neurodivergence - it is good to be aware of them and be ready to talk about them with your friends and family:

• "It is a condition which can be cured and you will grow out of it" - ADHD and autism are lifelong neurodevelopmental disorders.
• "It is caused by vaccines" - there is no link between MMR (vaccine) and autism.
• "It is caused by bad parenting" - neurodivergent children can present with behaviour that challenges as a result of sensory and other needs.
• "It only affects boys" - Boys have historically been diagnosed more than girls but it is being increasingly understood that girls can be more able to hide or mask their needs.
• "It is a mental health issue" - autism and ADHD are not mental health conditions, although many autistic children and young people with ADHD suffer from anxiety or depression because their needs are not met, they do not have the right support or they are socially isolated.
• "It is caused by bad diet" - this is not true, although certain artificial additives and food sensitivities can affect some children.

What to Expect When You Share a Diagnosis

When you share a diagnosis with others, you may experience a range of reactions and emotions. There may be questions and some people may not know what to say. 

Your family and friends may express their feelings, and it's okay to express yours. You could also explain that their support is important to you and you will need their help.

Reactions might include:

• Relief, because it explains behaviour.
• Relatives might feel sad or worried, or they might reject the diagnosis and tell you that you are over-reacting. This can be hurtful for you.
• They might blame you and your style of parenting.
• Neurodivergent traits can run in families, so other family members might start to be aware of their own behaviour.

Educating Friends & Families

By talking about your child's successes and differences you can help your family and friends understand them and know how they can offer support. 

• Let them know how your child is affected, what they find difficult and how they can be helped and comforted.
• Discuss routines your child has and the importance of sticking to them - for example bedtime or eating.
• Let them know of any sensory issues, such as smells which your child might particularly not like.
• Tell them how best to connect with your child, such as talking about things that help and don't help and the best way of communicating with your child.
• Encourage them to ask if there is something they don’t understand or want to know more about.
• Be patient and remember to share any of your child's successes and achievements with family and friends - it's important that they don't just hear about the challenges you face.
• Parents and carers who are going through similar situations to yourself might be able to provide some useful advice and support, so look into joining a support group in your area. You could search on social media for relevant groups near you.

Siblings

Siblings of children that are neurodivergent may have similar experiences to others, in that they will learn along the way about their sibling's needs and about neurodiversity.

They may ask questions about their sibling's differences, and this is a good way to encourage understanding. Highlight things they are good at and things they can both enjoy.

If you sense they feel left out, reassure them that you love them equally. Finding activities that they can both enjoy together will help to strengthen the bond between them.

Find out more about supporting siblings

Read more about young carers