Communication Difficulties

Children may have difficulties with language and / or understanding. 

• They may not understand the words used or understand what you are asking them to do
• They may take what you say very literally
• They may not be able to say they need the toilet
• They may not know, or be able to tell you when their bladder or bowel is full

All children need information about all the stages of going to the toilet in a way they can understand.

• Talk to any professionals supporting your child about communication methods you might try
• Get everyone involved in their life to use the same language and ways to encourage toileting
• You know your child best - watch out for the non-verbal signs they need the toilet like facial expressions, ‘holding’ themselves, irritability or ‘dancing’ from foot to foot

Use clear and simple language or visuals such as the ‘Toilet Picture Steps’ for boys and girls which are downloadable below. You could make your own using photos of your own toilet.

Fear & Sensory Issues

Your child may have a lot of worries or be really sensitive to things around them. Being sensitive to their worries can help reassure them.

• They may be frightened of the toilet or not be able to use unfamiliar toilets
• Not like the smells, sound or touch of being in the bathroom
• They may not like the feel of the toilet roll and have problems wiping. They might not like a drip of wee on their legs
• They may feel unbalanced when sitting on the toilet

What Can I Do?

If they do not like the flush or other sounds;

• Give warnings before flushing, or flush after they leave the room
• Use distractions such as music or other sounds they like
• Use ear defenders or earphones
• Put some toilet paper in the toilet before using it to reduce the chance of splashing

The Toilet Or Bathroom Environment

Try and make the space as comfortable as possible for your child;

• Is it too warm or too cold?
• Get a sturdy step or handrails to help them sit steadily.
• Let them choose their own toilet paper, seat, wipes and decorations in the bathroom.
• Use a toilet seat size reducer or a heated or padded toilet seat.
• Have a box of favourite toys or books in the bathroom that they can look forward to, but make sure you keep them clean.

Toileting Challenges

There are many ways that behavioural issues can make toileting a problem for children and young people. They may be less likely to copy others to learn new skills. Some children may resist following instructions.

They may not understand that most people see passing wee or having a poo as a private thing done in the toilet. Your child may not mind feeling wet or dirty, they may like to touch and feel poo.

This is difficult behaviour to manage and it is important to ask for help and support for your child and for you.

My Child Touches or Smears Poo

If your child touches or smears poo there are things you can do to make this behaviour less likely;

• Try not to show a reaction and give minimum attention when your child does this.
• When things go well give lots of praise.
• You could consider clothes that fasten at the back.
• Give other sensory experiences like messy play with strong smells. Slime, finger painting or cornflour and water can be good too.

If your child does not always find it easy to follow instructions or understand what is ‘private’ you could try using ‘social stories’. A social story breaks down an activity or experience into small, simple steps. It can use cartoons, pictures or photos to make it fun and easier to understand.

Find out more about social stories

Challenging Behaviours

When your child is displaying behaviours that you find a challenge;

• Think about what your child is trying to tell you
• Repeat the ‘rules’ calmly and quietly giving the same simple messages
• Ignore as much of the unwanted behaviour as you can
• Praise even the smallest moment of progress

Managing toileting problems can be stressful. Small steps taken early can make a big difference, you don’t need to struggle alone - ask for help. There are contact details below for services that can help you.

Practical Support

Help your child to sit correctly when using the toilet - use the image below as a helpful guide;

What Other Support is Available? 

You can apply for;

• Just Can't Wait Card to access other toilets quickly
• Continence Assessment - you can call Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 to ask for a continence assessment for your child
• If you claim Disability Living Allowance check that difficulties with toileting are part of your claim