LGBTQIA+ is a term that covers a broad range of people including all genders and sexualities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersexual and asexual. Although each letter in LGBTQIA+ stands for a specific group of people, there is a variety of terms people might use to describe their sexuality or gender identity and this term includes them all.
If you think your child might be LGBTQIA+ you may have some questions and it is understandable to want to know more about the topic to help you understand how your child feels.
Some parents might have known for years, while to others it may come as a surprise, either way, it's important to support your child through this life-changing time. Many neurodivergent young people who are LGBTQIA+ may have had to effectively 'come out' twice to friends and family, which takes a great deal of bravery when there is still stigma over gender issues, sexuality and neurodiversity.
In a similar way to neurodivergent masking, many LGBTQIA+ children may try to hold their feelings in, which can cause emotional exhaustion and feelings of shame. Having a supportive and helpful environment at home can make a difference in helping young people feel accepted. There can be so much joy in acceptance and pride, through accepting neurodivergence as a strength and coming to terms with their true identity.
I Think That My Child Might Be LGBTQ+
Until your child comes and tells you that they are, or might be LGBTQ+, there is no way of knowing for sure. Try not to make assumptions and let them come and tell you in their own time. You can try and make sure your child feels able to talk to you about it by creating a positive environment at home. For example, say positive things about LGBTQ+ people when they’re on TV and don’t allow others to say negative things when around your child.
Some children may feel upset if you ask them if they are LGBTQ+ without them speaking about it first. Approaching the subject gently can be a good way to start.
You could begin by talking to your child about sex and relationships. You could tell them that you want them to be happy and that you will always support them no matter what decisions they make. Give them the space to let them tell you in their own time.
Many young LGBTQ+ people have negative experiences when they tell their family or friends about their sexual orientation or gender identity. For others, it can be an exciting phase of their life and having a supportive family can make all the difference.
If your child has recently come out to you and your family:
Your child may fear being rejected and they may feel they have had to hide a part of themselves away from you. Facing rejection from their family and friends can be really upsetting for a child.
Don't forget, it shows a great deal of trust and bravery for your child to come out to you. It’s important to say that you believe them and that what they’ve told you won’t change how you feel about them. Show that you’re going to be there to support them no matter what.
Supporting Your LGBTQ+ Child
You may be unsure how you feel about your child being LGBTQ+ or how to respond. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that. You will probably not get everything right. The most important thing you can do as a parent or caregiver is remember that they are still the same person you have always loved and cared for. Letting them know that you love them will go along way in making them feel supported and respected.
If you find it hard to come to terms with your child coming out, you may need some support for yourself before you feel ready to support them. If you have mixed emotions or worries about how this may affect your child or the rest of your family you can contact FFLAG on their confidential helpline. They can provide reassurance, information and support. They can be contacted on 0300 688 0368.
Neurodivergent young people who learn and think differently may also identify somewhere on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. This intersection of identities can be a lot to manage.
It is useful to do some research to understand how your child is feeling and the issues they may come across. In the same way, you might have researched their neurodivergent strengths and differences, it can be helpful to read about other neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ people's lived experiences. You can do this by:
It's important to talk about the unique differences and strengths of being LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent, which can be more difficult if your child has communication differences. During these conversations it can be useful to:
Find Mencaps list of sexuality and relationship resources here
Let us know what you think!
We've been working together in Norfolk and Waveney with families and professionals to put together information, advice and resources that are helpful to families. Let us know what you think, and anything we could change or add to make it even better.
If you live in Norfolk
You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
If you are 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of our team.
If you live in Waveney
Norfolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Norfolk.
Suffolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Waveney.
Mencap is a national charity who support people with learning disabilities. They offer a free Learning Disability Helpline with advice and guidance. Call 0808 808 1111 to speak to a trained professional.
Kooth offers online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support for anyone aged 10-18, seven days a week until 10pm.
