As your child becomes older and reaches adolescence there can be more expectation for them to become independent. Depending on their needs, they may start high school, begin to do more things with friends and be influenced by other people.
Neurodivergent children in particular may find that the tween and teenage years can bring confusing changes, to their body, their social lives and the environment around them. Your child doesn't have to develop along an expected timeline, so reassure them that changes can go at their own pace.
It might feel like your child becomes less reliant on you as a parent or carer, but it's a time when your support, guidance and understanding are especially important. Understanding changes they can't control can make it a tricky time for your child.
It can be helpful to learn about how the brain changes at this age to help understand your teen's responses which can sometimes be hard for you and them to understand.
Communication
During the adolescent years, young people's communication skills will continue to grow and mature. For neurodivergent tweens and teenagers, this may differ depending on their differences, their preferred communication style and their skills.
It's important to learn from your young person what works best for them, and what they need from you. Tips to improve communication with your teen could include:
Ensuring you provide ways for your child to communicate effectively can help them navigate their teenage years.
Gross Motor Skills
Gross motor skills use big muscle groups. Some neurodiverse children may have differences in posture, coordination and motor planning which can affect how they move. Being active and exercising muscles is important for strength, while activities that involve balance can help young people with their gross motor movements.
Older children and young people should get at least 60 minutes of exercise a day. This should include activity that gets the heart beating faster. Being physically active is good for mood and emotional health too.
Some children and teens are less keen to be active as they get older. Encourage them to keep up with sports they enjoy or try new ones. Depending on their needs and preferences you could look for solo sports, group activities or engage in sports as a family.
If parents are active it sets a good example and helps exercise habits seem ‘normal’ in your family. The following activities can be helpful to try to support differences in gross motor skills:
Fine Motor Skills
Fine Motor Skills allow us to use the muscles in our hands, while activities where your child uses their hands tend to be good for relaxing, some neurodivergent young people can experience differences in their body awareness, muscle strength and coordination which can make fine motor work more difficult.
Encourage them to carry on drawing and making stuff based on their preferences, skills and interests. Learning how to knit, sew, cook and do DIY or woodwork are good ways for young people to de-stress too.
Problem-Solving Skills
While some neurodivergent teens can have stronger problem-solving abilities than average, the changes in their hormones and emotions during this time can affect their behaviour. Teenagers tend to act now and think later and are more likely to seek out thrills and take risks; their brain development makes them this way. The ‘thinking and working through’ part of the brain is one of the last to fully develop.
It is not always easy to get adolescents to share their thoughts and feelings with you, especially if they have differences in their communication style. Try to communicate with them and give your child the opportunity to think through their actions and choices and those of others. This can help them in the ‘heat of the moment’.
Your child won’t always make good decisions. Knowing that they can turn to you for support when they get it wrong, as well as praise when they get it right, gives them a strong foundation as they move towards independence.
Giving them more practical responsibilities and getting them to organise themselves for their day-to-day life is good preparation for their growing independence.
Have boundaries for your child. You should still know where they are, who they are with and when they will be home. Talk to your child about the reasons for rules – if you can agree on them together, your child is more likely to stick to them. Your older child will need to have more freedom and trust - but know that they earn and keep this by their actions.
Personal & Social Development
While many teens will experience good times and upsets with developing friendships and relationships, some neurodivergent young people may find it more difficult to socialise. This could be due to:
As a parent, it can be helpful to provide opportunities for your child to be around other people their age, support them with maintaining existing friendships and watch out for exhaustion if your child masks in social situations.
As children get older, friends outside of the family unit may begin to have more influence over them. This is normal. You still have an important role to play in helping your child make good decisions and cope with the challenges of being a young person.
Let us know what you think!
We've been working together in Norfolk and Waveney with families and professionals to put together information, advice and resources that are helpful to families. Let us know what you think, and anything we could change or add to make it even better.
If you live in Norfolk
You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
If you are 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of our team.
If you live in Waveney
Norfolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Norfolk.
Suffolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Waveney.
Mencap is a national charity who support people with learning disabilities. They offer a free Learning Disability Helpline with advice and guidance. Call 0808 808 1111 to speak to a trained professional.
Kooth offers online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support for anyone aged 10-18, seven days a week until 10pm.
