Worry is the word we use when we are thinking and stressing about something in particular – like starting a new school. Anxiety can go hand in hand with worry and describes the feelings that can come along with it.
People worry about all sorts of reasons like:
Neurodivergent children and young people may experience higher levels of anxiety, which may be due to difficulties understanding situations, or from 'masking'.
Their anxiety can present in different ways depending on the skills they have and how they communicate. Some children might be able to express they feel anxious, while we can pick up clues that other children are anxious from their behaviour. This page looks at neurodivergent anxiety and how to understand and support your child.
Anxiety is a normal emotion that we can all experience from time to time, and it can be an extra challenge for children who can't recognise the feeling. Children can feel anxious for many reasons, such as:
Neurodiverse children can experience anxiety for an additional set of reasons, including:
Some children find it more difficult to connect the feelings in their bodies with what is making them feel stressed and worried. With support and planning it's possible to work through those worries and help improve their anxiety.
Spotting Anxiety
How your child's anxiety presents can be different depending on the skills they have and how they are able to communicate. Some children can identify their emotions and speak about how they feel, while others may show their anxiety through their behaviour. Some examples of clues include:
How Does it Feel?
When people are anxious they might notice they have:
When these feelings come all together, it might seem like they have taken over the whole body - this is known as a panic attack.
It is not easy to see your child struggling in this way – as a parent or carer, you can really help your child manage these difficult feelings.
Some children may find it more difficult to connect the feelings in their bodies with the thing that is making them worried.
Fatigue is a state of extreme mental, physical and sensory exhaustion which can be the result when the body's resources are overworked. If this state of fatigue continues for a prolonged state of time it can result in burnout.
Although fatigue and burnout can happen to anyone, neurodivergent people are more likely to be affected. It can be the result of trying to cope with unmet needs over time, or can be an immediate response to a change in life, for example:
It can be useful to learn to understand your child's behaviours to notice if they might be experiencing fatigue and to learn some coping techniques.
How Can I Help My Child?
Whatever the age of your child who is experiencing worry and anxiety; we can learn ways to make it more manageable.
Learning coping skills as a child is especially useful; they can rely on them during tough times. Having these coping skills makes us resilient. It is never too late to develop these skills for ourselves as parents, which sets a good example for our children. You can help by:
Being able to listen to your child's worries and anxieties, or notice the clues that they are worried or anxious if they can't communicate it verbally is important.
When your child is telling you they are having a hard time, or you notice their behaviour change, the first thing you will want to do is ‘fix’ it. This can sometimes get in the way of really hearing what it is like for your child. Then they will not get the chance to say exactly what they mean, and how they feel.
It can get in the way of you helping your child come up with a plan of what they can do to improve things. It is important to help your child feel more in control; worries and anxieties make us feel out of control.
Concentrate on what your child is saying. Turn off your phone / TV. Sit close and give them time. If you really can’t listen that moment – make a deal with your child to do so very soon – and stick to it.
Let your child talk. Try not to interrupt with your own point of view. Show you’re listening by making comments on what they are saying – use ‘feeling’ words:
Check that you heard them right.
You don’t have to know the answer there and then. You can even tell your child you are going to give it some thought / find some things out and talk about it again after tea / tomorrow.
Listening to your child and giving them the chance to explain what they feel can make a big difference and help stop the worry feeling too big and unmanageable.
Challenge the Worry
One of the ways that our mind plays tricks on us when it is worrying, is to make us ‘avoid’ the thing that gives us anxious feelings.
Your child might say they ‘don’t want to do dancing anymore’. Maybe because they feel anxious about getting the moves wrong. This would mean your child missing out on something they enjoy and is good for them.
It also puts the worry and anxiety ‘in charge’ and makes the child think the decision to avoid something was the best way to get rid of the horrible feelings.
How to Challenge Worries
Encourage your child to child to ‘challenge the worry’. You could get them to ask themselves these questions:
Helping your child think differently about their worry can help them ‘give it a go’ rather than letting the anxiety be ‘in charge.’
It is good to give them the message that their worry is ‘not always right.’
Sometimes a worry is very real and there is no way to make it feel smaller, for example, someone they love being very ill. Being able to talk about how this feels is still important. You can help your child think about how they can look after themselves and where to go for help.
Learning to Relax
Different people find different things help them to relax; your child might like to read, colour, walk, run, dance, or watch TV.
For most people when they are struggling with worries and anxiety relaxing becomes more difficult. Sometimes people even forget to take the time out to relax. We can learn to be better at this.
One of the ways that we know helps when we are stressed is to take control of our breathing.
Simply slowing our breathing down, and counting our breaths can help with the horrible feelings worry and anxiety bring.
Practice every day and it will get easier and help more.
Although worries and anxieties are a normal part of life sometimes they get in the way of getting on with and enjoying life. If you feel your child is being badly affected by their worries it is important to seek help.
Let us know what you think!
We've been working together in Norfolk and Waveney with families and professionals to put together information, advice and resources that are helpful to families. Let us know what you think, and anything we could change or add to make it even better.
If you live in Norfolk
You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
If you are 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of our team.
If you live in Waveney
Norfolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Norfolk.
Suffolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Waveney.
Mencap is a national charity who support people with learning disabilities. They offer a free Learning Disability Helpline with advice and guidance. Call 0808 808 1111 to speak to a trained professional.
Kooth offers online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support for anyone aged 10-18, seven days a week until 10pm.
