Things You Can do to Help During a Meltdown

It is important to support your child if they are in meltdown mode, not to punish them or threaten them with consequences.

You could try the following to help reduce the effects once your child is having a meltdown:

• Reducing bright lights and removing anything else which can act as a trigger
• Making the room quieter and reducing the volume of speech
• Reducing eye contact
• Give them space and only intervene if they are in danger, for example from traffic
• Do not try to restrain them

After a Meltdown

Meltdowns can be very intense and afterwards your child is likely to feel exhausted, or embarrassed and scared. You might feel similar emotions yourself. 

• It's important to allow them - and yourself - some time and space to calm down. When they are feeling better, you could get them to do a sensory activity which you know they will find calming, for example heavy hard work such as pushing a wheelbarrow or shopping trolley.
• They might find sucking, blowing or chewing relaxing - activities such as blowing bubbles, eating a chewy snack or sucking a smoothie through a straw can help.
• Keep the environment calm and quiet for a while and free of things which might trigger anxiety.
• Give yourself time to recover, as meltdowns can be draining for parents and carers as well.
• Keep a record of what happens before, during and after each meltdown so that you can spot any patterns, such as times or places where they happen.

Helping Your Child When They Get Home From School

School can be tiring for children, especially those who use a lot of energy trying to maintain control throughout the day. When your child gets home, they might feel more able to relax, unwind and express themselves - which can result in difficult behaviour.

This might include:

• Refusing to do what you ask
• Throwing, ripping, or breaking things around the house
• Falling asleep at dinner
• Extreme emotional responses
• Being too tired to do homework

There are things you can do which will lessen the chances of your child 'collapsing' when they get home from school and these include: 

• Using simple, easy to understand language
• Don't immediately ask them about their day
• Offer them a snack and a drink
• Create a space for them to relax - allow them to have some quiet time and don't make demands
• They might prefer to relax through physical activities such as trampolining, running outside or riding a bike

Anticipating A Meltdown

You might be able to notice signs of distress before your child has a meltdown and to prevent it from happening.

Some neurodivergent children might show signs of anxiety such as pacing, seeking reassurance through repetitive questioning, or physical signs such as rocking or becoming very still.

If you see this happening, you could try strategies such as distraction, diversion, using fiddle toys or listening to calming music, removing any triggers such as noise and bright light and staying calm yourself.

Minimising The Risk Of A Meltdown

Sometimes it's impossible to avoid your child becoming overwhelmed and having a meltdown, but there are things you can do which can reduce the chances of it happening.

Once you have a clearer idea of what is causing the meltdowns, think about how you can minimise that trigger. 

Triggers to think about

Sensory Differences

This includes light, touch and sound. If your child is over-sensitive to touch and sound, for example, they might find a train station, with loud announcements and people brushing past them, very difficult. You could get them to listen to music on headphones to block out loud noises and wait until people have got off the train before approaching the platform. 

In other situations, removing bright lights can help, as can using sensory equipment, such as glasses with dark or coloured lenses, ear defenders or a weighted blanket.

Find out more about sensory needs

Changes in Routine

Predictable routines are very important for children and who find change distressing.

Having to use a different route to go to school is an example of something which could cause a meltdown. If you know this is going to happen, use a clear visual support explaining the change (such as a basic map), reassure them that the rest of the routine stays the same and add extra support such as a calming activity for them to do in the car.

You could be prepared for unexpected changes to the routine by having picture symbols ready to explain the changes. If the change causes frustration, allow them to let it out appropriately, such as by hitting a pillow or tearing up paper, followed by an activity which will calm them, such as deep breaths or going for a walk.

Learn more about transitions and change

Anxiety

Feelings of anxiety can quickly become overwhelming, so have a plan of what to do if your child becomes anxious. This could include a calming playlist to listen to or a stress ball in their pocket.

Include relaxation time in their routine. This might include quiet activities such as taking a walk, listening to music, reading or using fiddle toys, or it could be more strenuous things like jumping on a trampoline or going to the gym.

Find out more about anxiety

Communication Difficulties

If a child finds it difficult to express their wants and needs, it can lead to frustration and anger, which can become overwhelming. 

If your child finds verbal communication difficult, you could try using visual supports such as drawings or photos. Speak in short, clear sentences and you could use technology such as tablets and voice software or instant messaging.

Learn more about communication