Some children and young people will often take language literally and will struggle to understand the hidden meaning behind many commonly used phrases.
Sometimes we use phrases which, when taken literally, have a very different meaning to the one we intend. For example, when you are angry or particularly busy, you might say "I feel like my head is going to explode". While you mean that the emotions you are feeling are overwhelming, your child might interpret it as meaning that your head is actually going to explode.
If your child takes language literally, it is helpful to avoid using phrases which could mean something else and to concentrate on using factual, specific language when communicating.
Everyday
language often includes phrases which could mean something else, so it can be difficult to avoid using them. If you use words that your child struggles to understand, think of a way you can say it plainly, to make it easier for them to process.
These are examples of language which a neurodivergent child might interpret differently and what we actually mean when we say it:
Try not to use sarcasm, as this can be misunderstood. For example, saying "Haha, you're funny" when you mean the opposite can be confusing.
If 
you are asking your child to do something for you, think about the language you use, as it may appear optional to them, rather than something you are telling them to do.
For example, a vaguely phrased question such as "Would you like to tidy your room?" might be met with a response of "No". This is not necessarily your child being rude or defiant, they are just giving you an honest response.
Re-phrasing questions
Consider how your language could be misunderstood, and try to rephrase any ambiguous or confusing requests. For example:
Using 
visual aids is a good way to help your child understand spoken language.
Visual support makes life predictable, understandable and positive. Knowing what is going to happen next can reduce stress and lead to calmer and more co-operative behaviour, as well as help children understand how to do something.
Sometimes 
we imply meanings rather than actually say them when we speak to someone, but a neurodivergent person might struggle to understand those meanings.
For example, you might say "See who's at the door" meaning answer the door. Your child might take it as meaning they just need to look and see who is waiting at the door, without actually answering it.
You could also say "Watch your brother" with the implication being to keep him safe. Your child might think they have to just watch what he does and not act.
Always consider these meanings when you give any instructions to your child and try to explain clearly what you want them to do.
Let us know what you think!
We've been working together in Norfolk and Waveney with families and professionals to put together information, advice and resources that are helpful to families. Let us know what you think, and anything we could change or add to make it even better.
If you live in Norfolk
You can contact the Healthy Child Service team by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123 or texting Parentline on 07520 631590. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.
If you are 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for confidential advice from one of our team.
If you live in Waveney
Norfolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Norfolk.
Suffolk SEND Local Offer provide information and advice on services for young people with additional needs in Waveney.
Mencap is a national charity who support people with learning disabilities. They offer a free Learning Disability Helpline with advice and guidance. Call 0808 808 1111 to speak to a trained professional.
Kooth offers online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support for anyone aged 10-18, seven days a week until 10pm.
